Well. It's been a long time.
Not much has happened since I last posted. At least nothing out of the ordinary. We are just doing life like normal. Days seem long, yet time seems to fly by. I always feel behind on every thing I need to do. Hence the lack of posts.
I do admit that recently I have felt like the pace at which we do life is WAY too busy. Our weeks are slammed. Each one. I love to have people over for meals. We only have one day a week we can do that.
I grew up in the jungle. Far away from fast paced America. Days were over around 5:30 at night. I miss the slower pace. I feel like I am constantly grasping for the pace of life I used to know. I'm not sure how to give up or find balance. I don't think American life lends itself to nearness to Jesus, but I'm not sure how to live here and make nearness to Jesus a reality. I think we don't experience the greatness God has to offer us in our experience of Him because of our busyness and distraction. Just thoughts I've been wrestling with lately. I'll let you know if I find the answer. :)
We finally heard from the babies home we were talking with. The result was a "not this route" from God. So now we research more options. I have a good sense of peace about the progression of this process. I would love to have more solid information, but I have to trust in God's goodness and His timing. As I have discussed with many people, what if our next child is not even conceived yet. My impatience would be a huge waste of time then! I am talking with someone tomorrow about another agency and their experience in adoption from Uganda. I am very excited to learn more. The more I learn, the more convinced I am that adoption is God's idea and I am just blessed enough to be learning more about what He cares for. I have been adopted into the family of God. He has given the perfect example of how to care for those in greatest need.
Hope you are finding time in busy life to commune with Jesus. His Word is alive. Relevant to all He places in our lives.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Filled up...
Today my soul literally feels hungry for the words of God. I am so thankful for scripture, God's words to me. I'm thankful to have them in a language I can read and understand- many in the world still do not have this gift. I'm thankful that God's word is alive and active (Hebrews 4:12). I am thankful that I have been given the Holy Spirit that will guide me into all truth (John 16:13). In my intense hunger today the Spirit led me to Psalms. David often was hungry for God. He pleas with God through out the book to come close to Him. Grateful that this was the Spirit's guiding. I gobbled up the first 19 chapters of the book and am OVERFLOWING with what I read. There are 150 chapters in Pslams alone- He is so gracious in the amount of Himself that He has revealed to us! I just wanted to share a few of the highlights of my reading so as to hopefully encourage you in the same way I was encouraged. To be obedient to what I read in 8:11, "Declare among the peoples His deeds." This will not have much flow to it- other than that God is good, just, loving, abundant in kindness...and the list could go on.
9:9- The Lord also will be a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble
The term oppressed can be applied to so many different people. There are many that are oppressed. I know that the orphans are oppressed. He is a stronghold (a well fortified place) for our next child- even though I do not know them yet. Even when trouble comes to them that I am not aware of, and am helpless to do anything about- God is a stronghold for them. God is a stronghold for the 27 million in our world this very day that are trapped in slavery. They are oppressed. They need a stronghold. They are in times of trouble at each moment of their lives. I am grateful that in the overwhelmingness of all the evil in the world, God is a stronghold for the oppressed.
9:15- The nations have sunk down in the pit which they have made; in the net which they hid, their own foot has been caught.
America. This country provides us with a lot of freedoms. But it is clearly also a country in a state of decay (as any country on planet earth is), and it makes me very disheartened at times. We have stepped in the trap we ourselves set. Decisions are always followed by consequences. I need to pray for America more. I need to pray at LEAST equal to the amount I complain about it. If I am not begging the Lord to work in a powerful way more than I am complaining about the officials that run this country then I should be more than prepared to know that nothing will change. We need to petition the Lord before (and MORE than) we petition the government. (Proverbs 21:1)
12:5- "Because of the devastation of the afflicted, because of the groaning of the needy, now I will arise, " says the Lord; "I will set him in the safety for which he longs."
Grateful that the Lord knows an orphans desire and groaning for family and community. Thankful that he will set them in the safety for which they long. Praying for many other families to travel the road of adoption, and be a safe place for orphans.
15:1-3- O Lord, who may abide in Your tent? Who may dwell on Your holy hill? He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, and speaks truth in his heart. He does not slander with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor takes reproach against his friend;...
I want to abide in God's tent with Him and to live on His holy hill. So I must walk with integrity (soundness of moral character, honesty). I must work righteousness. Act in a way that is right according to God. I must speak truth in my heart. I must know truth and dedicate myself to learning what that is according to God's word so that I will speak that to myself instead of the lies of the enemy. We are given the Holy Spirit at salvation, but He guides us into all truth- it is a leading and a following- not a one time deposit of all truth and we must no longer read God's word to know what that truth is. I will not slander (defame someone, lie about someone) with my tongue. I will choose to use words that build others up and give them a good reputation and standing with others. I will not do evil to my neighbor. This is a hard one with the grumpy neighborhood association that prowls around our complex. I will choose to do good for others, not to just NOT do evil to them. I will make cookies for them on Thursday mornings because I know that's when they walk the campus. I will bless them in a proactive way. I will not take reproach against my friend. I will not discredit or destroy the reputation of my friend. This often happens in anger. I will choose to build my friends up and not to tear them down. This is not even the full list in the chapter, but these need to be descriptors of me if I am to dwell in the tent of the Lord.
17:5- My steps have held fast to Your paths. My feet have not slipped.
If we fall away from the Lord it is because we have not held fast to HIS paths. We have wandered to our own which lead us away from Him. Obedience to Him does not result in slipping. It will result in standing firm. A good gauge on where I see myself and how I think I have been following.
18:19- ...He rescued me, because He delighted in me.
God delights in me. In my insecurities and lies of the world I can hold to this truth that God delights in me. And He delights in me to the point of action. He rescued me. A heroic, messy, complicated rescuing that I deserved no part in! Praise be to God.
18:28-29- For You light my lamp; The Lord my God illumines my darkness. For by You I can run upon a troop; and by my God I can leap over a wall.
When darkness goes before me God has promised to make the path clear. And the path will involve great acts that on my own I would never be able to accomplish. He will enable me, and I must choose obedience.
19:1-4 The heavens are telling of the glory of God; and their expanse is declaring the work of His hands. Day to day pours forth speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words; their voice is not heard. Their line has gone out through all the earth, and their utterances to the end of the world.
No one is without excuse. God's glory stretches to every corner of the earth. There may not be people in those places that declare His glory yet, but His works do- and they do so day and night. Taking the gospel to those who have never heard is of utmost importance. I heard someone say the other day that, "Faith is the work of the Holy Spirit that is made known by the preaching of the Gospel." The Gospel must be preached and declared verbally so that people will know the name of Jesus and call upon Him for their salvation! I read recently about a family that got the chance to proclaim the name of Jesus for the first time in a place that has not known who He is yet. What an awesome honor! It reenergizes me to prayer for their ministry and for those that need Jesus and now know of the name to call on!
19:7,8,11- The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes... Moreover, by them Your servant is warned; in keeping them there is great reward.
So grateful for my time with Jesus today. Thankful that His law is perfect and did restore my soul. I'm so grateful that He gives me what I need for my heart to rejoice-His words. I'm thankful for my eyes that were enlightened through my time in His word. And I pray that I will keep these words, because with that comes great reward.
I am so grateful that my earthen vessel, my dixie cup, was filled with HIS treasure today. And I pray that what you encountered in this blog post was the surpassing greatness of the power of God, and not just me.
9:9- The Lord also will be a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble
The term oppressed can be applied to so many different people. There are many that are oppressed. I know that the orphans are oppressed. He is a stronghold (a well fortified place) for our next child- even though I do not know them yet. Even when trouble comes to them that I am not aware of, and am helpless to do anything about- God is a stronghold for them. God is a stronghold for the 27 million in our world this very day that are trapped in slavery. They are oppressed. They need a stronghold. They are in times of trouble at each moment of their lives. I am grateful that in the overwhelmingness of all the evil in the world, God is a stronghold for the oppressed.
9:15- The nations have sunk down in the pit which they have made; in the net which they hid, their own foot has been caught.
America. This country provides us with a lot of freedoms. But it is clearly also a country in a state of decay (as any country on planet earth is), and it makes me very disheartened at times. We have stepped in the trap we ourselves set. Decisions are always followed by consequences. I need to pray for America more. I need to pray at LEAST equal to the amount I complain about it. If I am not begging the Lord to work in a powerful way more than I am complaining about the officials that run this country then I should be more than prepared to know that nothing will change. We need to petition the Lord before (and MORE than) we petition the government. (Proverbs 21:1)
12:5- "Because of the devastation of the afflicted, because of the groaning of the needy, now I will arise, " says the Lord; "I will set him in the safety for which he longs."
Grateful that the Lord knows an orphans desire and groaning for family and community. Thankful that he will set them in the safety for which they long. Praying for many other families to travel the road of adoption, and be a safe place for orphans.
15:1-3- O Lord, who may abide in Your tent? Who may dwell on Your holy hill? He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, and speaks truth in his heart. He does not slander with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor takes reproach against his friend;...
I want to abide in God's tent with Him and to live on His holy hill. So I must walk with integrity (soundness of moral character, honesty). I must work righteousness. Act in a way that is right according to God. I must speak truth in my heart. I must know truth and dedicate myself to learning what that is according to God's word so that I will speak that to myself instead of the lies of the enemy. We are given the Holy Spirit at salvation, but He guides us into all truth- it is a leading and a following- not a one time deposit of all truth and we must no longer read God's word to know what that truth is. I will not slander (defame someone, lie about someone) with my tongue. I will choose to use words that build others up and give them a good reputation and standing with others. I will not do evil to my neighbor. This is a hard one with the grumpy neighborhood association that prowls around our complex. I will choose to do good for others, not to just NOT do evil to them. I will make cookies for them on Thursday mornings because I know that's when they walk the campus. I will bless them in a proactive way. I will not take reproach against my friend. I will not discredit or destroy the reputation of my friend. This often happens in anger. I will choose to build my friends up and not to tear them down. This is not even the full list in the chapter, but these need to be descriptors of me if I am to dwell in the tent of the Lord.
17:5- My steps have held fast to Your paths. My feet have not slipped.
If we fall away from the Lord it is because we have not held fast to HIS paths. We have wandered to our own which lead us away from Him. Obedience to Him does not result in slipping. It will result in standing firm. A good gauge on where I see myself and how I think I have been following.
18:19- ...He rescued me, because He delighted in me.
God delights in me. In my insecurities and lies of the world I can hold to this truth that God delights in me. And He delights in me to the point of action. He rescued me. A heroic, messy, complicated rescuing that I deserved no part in! Praise be to God.
18:28-29- For You light my lamp; The Lord my God illumines my darkness. For by You I can run upon a troop; and by my God I can leap over a wall.
When darkness goes before me God has promised to make the path clear. And the path will involve great acts that on my own I would never be able to accomplish. He will enable me, and I must choose obedience.
19:1-4 The heavens are telling of the glory of God; and their expanse is declaring the work of His hands. Day to day pours forth speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words; their voice is not heard. Their line has gone out through all the earth, and their utterances to the end of the world.
No one is without excuse. God's glory stretches to every corner of the earth. There may not be people in those places that declare His glory yet, but His works do- and they do so day and night. Taking the gospel to those who have never heard is of utmost importance. I heard someone say the other day that, "Faith is the work of the Holy Spirit that is made known by the preaching of the Gospel." The Gospel must be preached and declared verbally so that people will know the name of Jesus and call upon Him for their salvation! I read recently about a family that got the chance to proclaim the name of Jesus for the first time in a place that has not known who He is yet. What an awesome honor! It reenergizes me to prayer for their ministry and for those that need Jesus and now know of the name to call on!
19:7,8,11- The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes... Moreover, by them Your servant is warned; in keeping them there is great reward.
So grateful for my time with Jesus today. Thankful that His law is perfect and did restore my soul. I'm so grateful that He gives me what I need for my heart to rejoice-His words. I'm thankful for my eyes that were enlightened through my time in His word. And I pray that I will keep these words, because with that comes great reward.
I am so grateful that my earthen vessel, my dixie cup, was filled with HIS treasure today. And I pray that what you encountered in this blog post was the surpassing greatness of the power of God, and not just me.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Alphabet Dates
As a stay at home mom I don't make lots of money. I know. Big surprise. But it is true. I actually make $0. I wish presidential candidates would address people of my financial state... just kidding. I am blessed to be able to choose to stay home and not work. And I am blessed to have a hard working husband who has a job that supports our family.
Christmas presents for Adam are difficult when you have $0 to spend. It calls for creativity- which is not my strongest attribute. :) This year I decided to make a book for him. The book has 26 pages. On each page there is a letter envelope. Inside the letter envelope is a date corresponding with that letter. There is also a room for a picture of each date we go on. These things do not cost very much money at all. I tried to be creative with them- not things we would typically do on a date. He has to wait to open each card until the week we are going on our date. We have one for every 2 weeks of the year.
Adam is excited about the book- and so am I! Since having children- date nights are few and far between. Also with the busyness of life- it is hard. We experienced last year more than ever that having time with just the two of us is very important. Hopefully this tool will assist with that.
Today was our first date. A. A was for the Cummer Art Museum. The museum is free on Tuesday afternoons. JACKPOT! I am off to a good free start. (Not all are free- but most are cheap) Adam came downstairs in a suit with a bow-tie on. He figured that's what classy art looking people wear. I looked like a hobo next to him, but I was already dressed and not in the mood to fancy myself up. Haha. It gave me a good laugh- and he looked very handsome. We just pretended he had just gotten off work at his fancy job and we were going to browse the art gallery...We ended our evening with tacos (no association to the A theme but it sounded good to the both of us- and a quick stop by Amy's (my sister-in-law) house since we were in the neighborhood. Her name starts with the right letter so it was a bonus.
Adam's first question was, "Why do they all only have one eye?" We clearly don't think outside the box!
The gardens were so pretty. I loved all the flowers!
Beautiful tree. This is just a part of the twistiness of it. Wish I could've captured all of it!
Bow-tie
Gargoyles.
One of my favorite non painting things.
In the children's interactive center.
Carved out of ivory! Unbelievable!
Helen Keller had sent a letter to the museum at some point!
Thankful to the person who took our picture of us together.
We are classy. Clearly.
Halos. Or modern art. You decide.
Multi-racial families. Cool since always.
Pretty sky and sticks.
Yummy tacos and queso to end the night.
Christmas presents for Adam are difficult when you have $0 to spend. It calls for creativity- which is not my strongest attribute. :) This year I decided to make a book for him. The book has 26 pages. On each page there is a letter envelope. Inside the letter envelope is a date corresponding with that letter. There is also a room for a picture of each date we go on. These things do not cost very much money at all. I tried to be creative with them- not things we would typically do on a date. He has to wait to open each card until the week we are going on our date. We have one for every 2 weeks of the year.
Adam is excited about the book- and so am I! Since having children- date nights are few and far between. Also with the busyness of life- it is hard. We experienced last year more than ever that having time with just the two of us is very important. Hopefully this tool will assist with that.
Today was our first date. A. A was for the Cummer Art Museum. The museum is free on Tuesday afternoons. JACKPOT! I am off to a good free start. (Not all are free- but most are cheap) Adam came downstairs in a suit with a bow-tie on. He figured that's what classy art looking people wear. I looked like a hobo next to him, but I was already dressed and not in the mood to fancy myself up. Haha. It gave me a good laugh- and he looked very handsome. We just pretended he had just gotten off work at his fancy job and we were going to browse the art gallery...We ended our evening with tacos (no association to the A theme but it sounded good to the both of us- and a quick stop by Amy's (my sister-in-law) house since we were in the neighborhood. Her name starts with the right letter so it was a bonus.
Adam's first question was, "Why do they all only have one eye?" We clearly don't think outside the box!
The gardens were so pretty. I loved all the flowers!
Beautiful tree. This is just a part of the twistiness of it. Wish I could've captured all of it!
Bow-tie
Gargoyles.
One of my favorite non painting things.
In the children's interactive center.
Carved out of ivory! Unbelievable!
Helen Keller had sent a letter to the museum at some point!
Thankful to the person who took our picture of us together.
We are classy. Clearly.
Halos. Or modern art. You decide.
Multi-racial families. Cool since always.
Pretty sky and sticks.
Yummy tacos and queso to end the night.
A HUMAN VOICE!
I am beyond excited right now! I talked to a person on the phone today. I got a phone number for a state-side contact for the babies home we want to adopt from in Uganda. I called today during nap time and expected to have to leave a message. HE ANSWERED! We had a little chat time and he explained to me how this babies home had placed 80 children in American homes over the past 10 years. He explained how their process works and what our next steps are. I emailed the person I am supposed to tonight and am now waiting (again...) on a form to be sent to me. I'm so excited. He actually lives in Florida too. Funny how he was so close for something that needs to take place so far away. Continue to pray...and please PRAISE the Lord with us for this connection. He is faithful. He is good. And his timing is perfect.
I have been doing SO much study and research on adoption in general and my heart is so overwhelmed with the goodness of the Lord in my personal adoption as HIS child. The more I learn- the more evident it is to me that caring for the helpless and fatherless has ALAWYS been on the heart of God. There were verses I always knew existed, but there are SO many that I had no idea about. My sweet friend gave me the book Adopted for Life by Russell D. Moore. I have just begun reading it- but it is awesome so far. I love how it is not just for those who are wanting to adopt, but for all those that have been adopted into the family of God. I'm grateful for the ways my heart is being stretched for adoption. And how it is being shaped to better love others in ALL areas- not just adoption. God did not rescue us to be inward facing. We are to be about others for HIS glory. Those options really are endless...and I often miss about 99% of them. Frustrating...but I feel myself growing- which is not alway enjoyable- but it is for a good goal.
Please please please. Educate yourself on God's heart for the orphans. Read your Bible. Watch out for the words helpless or fatherless. Be prepared to be blown away...and changed. Seriously. Be prepared... We can never say that we didn't know- He gave us HIS words in the Bible. It has all we need for life and for Godliness. Ignoring it will not keep you from being held responsible for what you do with it. There is a reason sanctification is such a long process- there are many many many things we have not mastered- or any really. Thankful for grace, mercy, and the Holy Spirit.
I have been doing SO much study and research on adoption in general and my heart is so overwhelmed with the goodness of the Lord in my personal adoption as HIS child. The more I learn- the more evident it is to me that caring for the helpless and fatherless has ALAWYS been on the heart of God. There were verses I always knew existed, but there are SO many that I had no idea about. My sweet friend gave me the book Adopted for Life by Russell D. Moore. I have just begun reading it- but it is awesome so far. I love how it is not just for those who are wanting to adopt, but for all those that have been adopted into the family of God. I'm grateful for the ways my heart is being stretched for adoption. And how it is being shaped to better love others in ALL areas- not just adoption. God did not rescue us to be inward facing. We are to be about others for HIS glory. Those options really are endless...and I often miss about 99% of them. Frustrating...but I feel myself growing- which is not alway enjoyable- but it is for a good goal.
Please please please. Educate yourself on God's heart for the orphans. Read your Bible. Watch out for the words helpless or fatherless. Be prepared to be blown away...and changed. Seriously. Be prepared... We can never say that we didn't know- He gave us HIS words in the Bible. It has all we need for life and for Godliness. Ignoring it will not keep you from being held responsible for what you do with it. There is a reason sanctification is such a long process- there are many many many things we have not mastered- or any really. Thankful for grace, mercy, and the Holy Spirit.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Happy New Year
Time really does fly...not necessarily because you're having fun, but because you're old! At least that's how I feel.
This year has held a lot for me. Happiness and sadness.
2012 started off with a bang! It seems like just yesterday and yet here I am...sitting in the first day of 2013. Adam and I took some of the college kids to Passion in Atlanta. It is one of my favorite things in the world. That was followed by time with my family and then a vacation in the mountains with friends. We even got snow-lots of it! A rare thing to see for us from Florida. February was filled with preparation for our new baby and Matthew's 2nd birthday. March brought us another sweet little blessing named Andrew Caleb. April brought much sadness and praise in the death of my Grandpa. Sadness because I was CRAZY about my Grandpa. And much praise for the ability to celebrate with assurance that my Grandpa is now at the feet of Jesus, praising Him for the rest of eternity! I have had countless moments since April 20th that refocus my mind on an eternity of crying out, "Holy! Holy! Holy! Is the Lord God Almighty! Who was, and who is, and who is to come!" and the fact that Grandpa is already experiencing that. I am SO grateful for the quickness of the journey of Parkinson's for him. I know it can be so much longer than it was. The summer was a hard time. Adam was gone a lot. We did gain two sweet friends in those months though, Nate and Laura. Adam's interns and now a part of our family. We also had to say goodbye to good friends, the Potters, as they moved to Naples. We miss them lots. September brought the time I had planned to start researching adoption. WOW! Overwhelming, discouraging, lonely, confusing, exciting, sad, happy, impatient, urgent...there are too many emotions that flow through me concerning this topic to even type out. God is so gracious to me. The two countries we had felt God was leading us to for adoption were Ethiopia and Uganda. Two little boys came to Jacksonville with Samaritans Purse from Uganda. They needed life saving heart surgery. They and their moms were here for a little over a month. They also had a translator from Uganda who works at an orphanage and has such a personal heart for orphans. My heart fell head over heels in love with Enimi. He was 6 years old with dark skin, big eyes, sweet smile, skinny little body, tight hugs, infections giggles, fingers that fit perfectly between mine, and a sick physical heart, but a larger than life, loving heart. Matthew and Enimi became fast friends whose hugs were precious and the bond they had was amazing even though they didn't speak the same language at all! Helen is now the avenue we are using to pursue adoption from Uganda. So many gifts that God provided to me in what would seem a trip to benefit many others. I feel most blessed out of the whole thing! He is MUCH TOO GOOD TO ME! In the beginning of December Enimi also went to the feet of Jesus and is now worshipping our Savior with my Grandpa and a few other saints I knew that passed away this year. The hurt my heart felt and the tears I cried the morning Enimi died are unlike anything I've ever felt. Complications of his disease were too much for his little body to handle. Enimi was a vessel for Jesus though. He ministered to many in his short 6 years. The night before he went home to Heaven his mom and dad entered into a relationship with Jesus. Once again...I was standing in the doorway smack dab between praise and sadness, just as I had been at my Grandpa's death. I am SO grateful that I have a hope for eternity, and that I can mourn in such a way.
This year has been home to a lot of recognition of my MASSIVE sin before a sinless Savior. I am a proud person, and am learning the ugliness of that daily. I am thankful that God softened my heart to that, and taught me to realize that. Others that know me may be thinking, "Duh! You're just now learning this?!" but it is true. I thought pride was an attribute of people who brag etc... and that is not me. But pride is when I don't want to apologize or admit I am wrong. Pride is when I view myself as anything other than NOTHING without JESUS. There is not one day that goes by (maybe because I am now a mom of a 2- almost 3 year old) that I think I can survive the day in my own power. I am in need of His patience, grace, forgiveness, mercy, wisdom, strength...the list is endless. I am this year, more than ever, thankful that Jesus is MY PERSONAL SAVIOR. That I can have an intimate relationship with Him.
In 2013 I really do just want more of Jesus. I want a more consistent relationship with Jesus so that His glory would be made more known through my life. I do not want to distract with myself. I want to gain confidence in verbally sharing the Gospel with those that desperately need Jesus. I want to be committed to prayer in a way that rubs my knees raw, and causes me to lose sleep. All of these things sound scary and hard, but I know that this is the purpose I survive by His grace, and to not live in that is a waste. I do not want to know there are 364 days that lie ahead of me that will just be a waste. I want to know that in 364 more days that God's name will be more famous, not mine. I want to know that others will know the hope that I cling to.
The other thing I desire for 2013 is that I would be able to see the face of my next child. Adoption is slow moving and scary. I know that God WILL do more than I can ever ask or imagine. To me, the idea that I would know the face of my 3rd child by this time next year seems impossible. BUT GOD! He can have a child in my arms if that is HIS will. That is my little desire, but I am excited to see what He makes reality in this next year.
I pray that your focus for the next year would not be a better body, more money, nicer things, or happiness. Don't seek happiness...it will always fail. Seek Jesus. Seek joy. Jesus fulfills- it may look different than what you would imagine- but you will be filled. Resolve to seek Jesus EARNESTLY (dictionary.com: serious in intention, purpose, or effort; sincerely zealous). Let those be the words that others would use to describe the way you pursue Jesus. I pray that for my life.
This year has held a lot for me. Happiness and sadness.
2012 started off with a bang! It seems like just yesterday and yet here I am...sitting in the first day of 2013. Adam and I took some of the college kids to Passion in Atlanta. It is one of my favorite things in the world. That was followed by time with my family and then a vacation in the mountains with friends. We even got snow-lots of it! A rare thing to see for us from Florida. February was filled with preparation for our new baby and Matthew's 2nd birthday. March brought us another sweet little blessing named Andrew Caleb. April brought much sadness and praise in the death of my Grandpa. Sadness because I was CRAZY about my Grandpa. And much praise for the ability to celebrate with assurance that my Grandpa is now at the feet of Jesus, praising Him for the rest of eternity! I have had countless moments since April 20th that refocus my mind on an eternity of crying out, "Holy! Holy! Holy! Is the Lord God Almighty! Who was, and who is, and who is to come!" and the fact that Grandpa is already experiencing that. I am SO grateful for the quickness of the journey of Parkinson's for him. I know it can be so much longer than it was. The summer was a hard time. Adam was gone a lot. We did gain two sweet friends in those months though, Nate and Laura. Adam's interns and now a part of our family. We also had to say goodbye to good friends, the Potters, as they moved to Naples. We miss them lots. September brought the time I had planned to start researching adoption. WOW! Overwhelming, discouraging, lonely, confusing, exciting, sad, happy, impatient, urgent...there are too many emotions that flow through me concerning this topic to even type out. God is so gracious to me. The two countries we had felt God was leading us to for adoption were Ethiopia and Uganda. Two little boys came to Jacksonville with Samaritans Purse from Uganda. They needed life saving heart surgery. They and their moms were here for a little over a month. They also had a translator from Uganda who works at an orphanage and has such a personal heart for orphans. My heart fell head over heels in love with Enimi. He was 6 years old with dark skin, big eyes, sweet smile, skinny little body, tight hugs, infections giggles, fingers that fit perfectly between mine, and a sick physical heart, but a larger than life, loving heart. Matthew and Enimi became fast friends whose hugs were precious and the bond they had was amazing even though they didn't speak the same language at all! Helen is now the avenue we are using to pursue adoption from Uganda. So many gifts that God provided to me in what would seem a trip to benefit many others. I feel most blessed out of the whole thing! He is MUCH TOO GOOD TO ME! In the beginning of December Enimi also went to the feet of Jesus and is now worshipping our Savior with my Grandpa and a few other saints I knew that passed away this year. The hurt my heart felt and the tears I cried the morning Enimi died are unlike anything I've ever felt. Complications of his disease were too much for his little body to handle. Enimi was a vessel for Jesus though. He ministered to many in his short 6 years. The night before he went home to Heaven his mom and dad entered into a relationship with Jesus. Once again...I was standing in the doorway smack dab between praise and sadness, just as I had been at my Grandpa's death. I am SO grateful that I have a hope for eternity, and that I can mourn in such a way.
This year has been home to a lot of recognition of my MASSIVE sin before a sinless Savior. I am a proud person, and am learning the ugliness of that daily. I am thankful that God softened my heart to that, and taught me to realize that. Others that know me may be thinking, "Duh! You're just now learning this?!" but it is true. I thought pride was an attribute of people who brag etc... and that is not me. But pride is when I don't want to apologize or admit I am wrong. Pride is when I view myself as anything other than NOTHING without JESUS. There is not one day that goes by (maybe because I am now a mom of a 2- almost 3 year old) that I think I can survive the day in my own power. I am in need of His patience, grace, forgiveness, mercy, wisdom, strength...the list is endless. I am this year, more than ever, thankful that Jesus is MY PERSONAL SAVIOR. That I can have an intimate relationship with Him.
In 2013 I really do just want more of Jesus. I want a more consistent relationship with Jesus so that His glory would be made more known through my life. I do not want to distract with myself. I want to gain confidence in verbally sharing the Gospel with those that desperately need Jesus. I want to be committed to prayer in a way that rubs my knees raw, and causes me to lose sleep. All of these things sound scary and hard, but I know that this is the purpose I survive by His grace, and to not live in that is a waste. I do not want to know there are 364 days that lie ahead of me that will just be a waste. I want to know that in 364 more days that God's name will be more famous, not mine. I want to know that others will know the hope that I cling to.
The other thing I desire for 2013 is that I would be able to see the face of my next child. Adoption is slow moving and scary. I know that God WILL do more than I can ever ask or imagine. To me, the idea that I would know the face of my 3rd child by this time next year seems impossible. BUT GOD! He can have a child in my arms if that is HIS will. That is my little desire, but I am excited to see what He makes reality in this next year.
I pray that your focus for the next year would not be a better body, more money, nicer things, or happiness. Don't seek happiness...it will always fail. Seek Jesus. Seek joy. Jesus fulfills- it may look different than what you would imagine- but you will be filled. Resolve to seek Jesus EARNESTLY (dictionary.com: serious in intention, purpose, or effort; sincerely zealous). Let those be the words that others would use to describe the way you pursue Jesus. I pray that for my life.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Purposeful Life
I have been having a lot tumble around in my heart recently about the purpose of life, and if I'm living up to what I was made for.
We were created to be in relationship with God. We were also created to bring glory to God. That is the end of which all of our actions, words, and thoughts should be focused on. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says, "Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." I have known since elementary school that the chief end of man is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever but am continually learning what that actually means. I knew there were moments in my life when I was intentionally sinning, but I have not always been so aware of "harmless" things I do that do not result in God being brought glory. The verse says WHATEVER I do I am to do to the glory of God. There are so many areas of my life that I do not do unto the glory of God. If I was created and exist for this very purpose, which I believe with all of my heart and mind, and I do not act in that way then I am not functioning to my full capacity. All other things I do are useless. They are pointless. They are a huge waste of my time. I can't get the picture out of my head of a circle that my life is supposed to look like- and when I act outside of that how ridiculous it looks trying to be a square instead. A square is not the same thing as a circle! And I can't cram my square life through the circle that God has created me to live through. I know that my words cannot convey the frustration in my heart and mind of all the ways that I DON'T GET IT! I know they don't because I have tried a few times lately and I do not feel like people fully understand what I am trying to say. I think there are a lot of cultural things that we accept because it is all we have known and doesn't seem as blatant of a sin as adultery or murder. I DON'T want to live a life that does not fulfill the reason I was created just because what I know is normal. I have had a fierce hunger recently to pour over the words that God gave me in the Bible to know what my life is to look like- not what Christian America tells me. I am slightly frightened by that because I'm pretty sure it is radically different than what it looks like now. I DO NOT want to stand before the throne of God and say- well that's what all the other Christians around me were doing so I thought it was right. I am not to line my life up with others- I am to line it up with HIS word. The lazy side of me is SO overwhelmed by this. But when I submit that to the Lord the Holy Spirit gives me a restlessness that drives me to change.
Even those that don't believe in Christ were created to bring glory to God. It upsets me greatly to think of those that are living their entire lives missing the point of their existence COMPLETELY! No wonder the world is such a mess and people don't have a hope. When I live out my life purpose- then I believe those that do not know their purpose will have their eyes opened to that. When I live to bring glory to God in all areas of my life then God will glorify Himself and I know that includes others calling on His name. Then their lives will be full of purpose and hope as well.
Two of the main things on my mind recently that I see Christians missing their purpose on is politics and sports. I think about the time we take to express our OPINIONS on RIDICULOUS things. Things that will NOT flow over into eternity. If were only so passionate about the name of Jesus, the things on His heart, and his standards as we are about our candidate of choice, sports team of choice, music of choice etc. we would actually see people around us changing. I don't mean to just stop being expressive about the things that don't matter and to be silent. I mean to open our mouths to speak about the things that will matter for the rest of eternity.
I know a part of politics are some of those issues. I just don't see the God created picture of marriage that is to be a reflection of Jesus Christ and HIS bride the church, and the preciousness and value of unborn lives as most of the things people are opening their mouths about. In Acts the early church begged the Lord for words that were His and a confidence to speak them. Acts 4:29, "And now, Lord, take note of their threats, and grant that Your bondservants may speak Your word with all confidence." Please, if you are a follower and submitter of your personal will to Jesus Christ- use your words to further the things HE has put value on. Otherwise you are wasting your time and emotion.
I don't think sports needs to be explained much, but then I see it as a huge problem so maybe it should be explained. People are willing to treat a brother or sister in Christ in a terrible way because of a favorite differing college athlete that would not stand up for you in any way for any amount of time. I don't see how this is not clearly a waste of time and emotion. Enjoying sports is not a problem. I like sports a lot. It's when it comes before our call to treat others with love and to have our words seasoned with salt. It seriously blows my mind. I can't get too much into it, because my natural tendency is to become exactly what I despise. Just a question to think about- how much time do MEN in our churches spend talking about sports with each other and how much time do they spend talking about God's word? I pray for a change in this ratio. Men who lead courageously in this will bring Glory to our Heavenly Father. ZERO doubt in my mind.
I do not mean this to be a finger pointing. I tried to open my post with disgust I have with myself over my own failures and how I miss completely my created purpose. I also want to do what Hebrews 10:23-25 calls me to. "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging on another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near."
ADOPTION UPDATE:
My family got another chance to hang out with my Ugandan friends on Friday. I have been so blessed by these past few weeks of knowing these women and their little ones. And of course their wonderful translator Hellen. We got to spend some semi-undistracted (Matthew and Andrew were there so all things considered- it was good- haha) time asking Hellen questions.
She gave use some direction on how to go about pursuing adoption from Uganda through a lawyer. I am learning patience already in this process! There were some helpful answers, and there were also just names and email addresses of other people to contact. I am excited to have a little more direction though.
One of the things that overwhelms me is that even once we make these huge decisions, there is still a huge amount of money lacking to make this whole process happen. I was reminded in a conversation with the Lord yesterday that HE is so much more than I could ever imagine. I can trust that HE will be sufficient in all of my emotional short comings, and in all of the administrative details, all of the money that is needed, all of the love and patience I will fail at showering on this child someday in my own power. He wants HIS power to be made PERFECT in my weakness. His perfect power in my life seems like a pretty unstoppable thing if only I would be weak before Him. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, "And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weakness, with insults with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak then I am strong." Another promise I am holding to is 1 Thessalonians 5:24, "Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass." Adam and I both believe that God has called believers to care for the orphans, James 1:27, "Pure and undefiled religion in the sign of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world." We further believe that a part of how He has called our family to take part in this is through adoption. If He has called, then He will be faithful to bring it to pass. I am so grateful that I have a consistent and reliable God and Father that I can trust. I am having to continually remind myself of all of these truths as fear and doubt creep into my mind in the many moments a day I think about all the aspects of this process.
Last little part of the post. Highlights from my family lately.
ANDREW SITS UP NOW! This kid is growing up SO much faster than Matthew did I feel like. I HATE it! I tell him everyday to slow down. He has two bottom teeth that he got in two days which was not so lovely- but they are awfully cute when he grins! He is enjoying toys and watching his older brother dash around and make him laugh.
Matthew is full of adorable and hysterical sayings these days. First off, we try hard to teach Matthew about Jesus- but I also am so thankful for those that invest in his little life in his Sunday School class and his school class. He comes home saying the things that he learns there and it fills my heart.
Yesterday He made a paper sword and shield in Sunday school (a little boys DREAM!) and was running around the living room in the afternoon saying that God fights our battles for us. Sometimes I am afraid my heart is going to explode. That was not something I taught him. Thank you to the crew that it takes to make Sunday mornings run- you are pouring truth into my little sinful boys heart that I am praying will not return void.
More sweet Jesus moments from Matthew... Each night that I put Matthew to bed I pray for God's hand of protection to be over our house. I believe that there is lots of evil that can happen in the darkness of night and I pray over my little boys each night. One night Matthew prayed, "Hand protect and all my blessings." It is sweet listening to his little voice pray.
One day recently after many cloudy days, we walked outside and it was sunny. I was excited to see blue skis but didn't say anything. Matthew immediately looked back at me and said, "Mommy! Way pretty outside! Jesus made sun." Jesus got the glory for the sunshine from Matthew and not me. That kid keeps me on my toes.
One night while I was fixing dinner, Andrew was playing on the floor and crying. I needed to finish something quickly before going to get him and the next thing I know I see Matthew laying on the floor next to Andrew rubbing his back and singing Jesus Loves Me to him! Once again...my heart was melted into a puddle on the kitchen floor!
A few funny ones...
Matthew is learning what some of his body parts are called. He asked me what his nipples were in the bath one night so I told him. A few minutes later I asked him what they were and confidently said, "my normals!" I giggled and said, "No. Try to remember what mommy said." With just as much confidence he said, "My pickles!" HAHA.
We had the privilege this past Saturday to go to the FSU game against Duke in Tallahassee. Someone let us use their season tickets. I was SO excited for Matthew to go to his first game. Andrew too- but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't care at all about what was going on. Matthew did LOVE all the ritual and hoopla about the game. I loved hearing him do that chant. F-L-O-R-I-D-A S-T-A-T-E. FLORIDA STATE! FLORIDA STATE! FLORIDA STATE! WHOO! His rendition was F-J-R-T-S K-P-E-B-L-T WHOO! So sweet. Those were two tired boys and a tired Mommy Daddy and Mimi after the day was through!
We were created to be in relationship with God. We were also created to bring glory to God. That is the end of which all of our actions, words, and thoughts should be focused on. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says, "Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." I have known since elementary school that the chief end of man is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever but am continually learning what that actually means. I knew there were moments in my life when I was intentionally sinning, but I have not always been so aware of "harmless" things I do that do not result in God being brought glory. The verse says WHATEVER I do I am to do to the glory of God. There are so many areas of my life that I do not do unto the glory of God. If I was created and exist for this very purpose, which I believe with all of my heart and mind, and I do not act in that way then I am not functioning to my full capacity. All other things I do are useless. They are pointless. They are a huge waste of my time. I can't get the picture out of my head of a circle that my life is supposed to look like- and when I act outside of that how ridiculous it looks trying to be a square instead. A square is not the same thing as a circle! And I can't cram my square life through the circle that God has created me to live through. I know that my words cannot convey the frustration in my heart and mind of all the ways that I DON'T GET IT! I know they don't because I have tried a few times lately and I do not feel like people fully understand what I am trying to say. I think there are a lot of cultural things that we accept because it is all we have known and doesn't seem as blatant of a sin as adultery or murder. I DON'T want to live a life that does not fulfill the reason I was created just because what I know is normal. I have had a fierce hunger recently to pour over the words that God gave me in the Bible to know what my life is to look like- not what Christian America tells me. I am slightly frightened by that because I'm pretty sure it is radically different than what it looks like now. I DO NOT want to stand before the throne of God and say- well that's what all the other Christians around me were doing so I thought it was right. I am not to line my life up with others- I am to line it up with HIS word. The lazy side of me is SO overwhelmed by this. But when I submit that to the Lord the Holy Spirit gives me a restlessness that drives me to change.
Even those that don't believe in Christ were created to bring glory to God. It upsets me greatly to think of those that are living their entire lives missing the point of their existence COMPLETELY! No wonder the world is such a mess and people don't have a hope. When I live out my life purpose- then I believe those that do not know their purpose will have their eyes opened to that. When I live to bring glory to God in all areas of my life then God will glorify Himself and I know that includes others calling on His name. Then their lives will be full of purpose and hope as well.
Two of the main things on my mind recently that I see Christians missing their purpose on is politics and sports. I think about the time we take to express our OPINIONS on RIDICULOUS things. Things that will NOT flow over into eternity. If were only so passionate about the name of Jesus, the things on His heart, and his standards as we are about our candidate of choice, sports team of choice, music of choice etc. we would actually see people around us changing. I don't mean to just stop being expressive about the things that don't matter and to be silent. I mean to open our mouths to speak about the things that will matter for the rest of eternity.
I know a part of politics are some of those issues. I just don't see the God created picture of marriage that is to be a reflection of Jesus Christ and HIS bride the church, and the preciousness and value of unborn lives as most of the things people are opening their mouths about. In Acts the early church begged the Lord for words that were His and a confidence to speak them. Acts 4:29, "And now, Lord, take note of their threats, and grant that Your bondservants may speak Your word with all confidence." Please, if you are a follower and submitter of your personal will to Jesus Christ- use your words to further the things HE has put value on. Otherwise you are wasting your time and emotion.
I don't think sports needs to be explained much, but then I see it as a huge problem so maybe it should be explained. People are willing to treat a brother or sister in Christ in a terrible way because of a favorite differing college athlete that would not stand up for you in any way for any amount of time. I don't see how this is not clearly a waste of time and emotion. Enjoying sports is not a problem. I like sports a lot. It's when it comes before our call to treat others with love and to have our words seasoned with salt. It seriously blows my mind. I can't get too much into it, because my natural tendency is to become exactly what I despise. Just a question to think about- how much time do MEN in our churches spend talking about sports with each other and how much time do they spend talking about God's word? I pray for a change in this ratio. Men who lead courageously in this will bring Glory to our Heavenly Father. ZERO doubt in my mind.
I do not mean this to be a finger pointing. I tried to open my post with disgust I have with myself over my own failures and how I miss completely my created purpose. I also want to do what Hebrews 10:23-25 calls me to. "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging on another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near."
ADOPTION UPDATE:
My family got another chance to hang out with my Ugandan friends on Friday. I have been so blessed by these past few weeks of knowing these women and their little ones. And of course their wonderful translator Hellen. We got to spend some semi-undistracted (Matthew and Andrew were there so all things considered- it was good- haha) time asking Hellen questions.
She gave use some direction on how to go about pursuing adoption from Uganda through a lawyer. I am learning patience already in this process! There were some helpful answers, and there were also just names and email addresses of other people to contact. I am excited to have a little more direction though.
One of the things that overwhelms me is that even once we make these huge decisions, there is still a huge amount of money lacking to make this whole process happen. I was reminded in a conversation with the Lord yesterday that HE is so much more than I could ever imagine. I can trust that HE will be sufficient in all of my emotional short comings, and in all of the administrative details, all of the money that is needed, all of the love and patience I will fail at showering on this child someday in my own power. He wants HIS power to be made PERFECT in my weakness. His perfect power in my life seems like a pretty unstoppable thing if only I would be weak before Him. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, "And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weakness, with insults with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak then I am strong." Another promise I am holding to is 1 Thessalonians 5:24, "Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass." Adam and I both believe that God has called believers to care for the orphans, James 1:27, "Pure and undefiled religion in the sign of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world." We further believe that a part of how He has called our family to take part in this is through adoption. If He has called, then He will be faithful to bring it to pass. I am so grateful that I have a consistent and reliable God and Father that I can trust. I am having to continually remind myself of all of these truths as fear and doubt creep into my mind in the many moments a day I think about all the aspects of this process.
Last little part of the post. Highlights from my family lately.
ANDREW SITS UP NOW! This kid is growing up SO much faster than Matthew did I feel like. I HATE it! I tell him everyday to slow down. He has two bottom teeth that he got in two days which was not so lovely- but they are awfully cute when he grins! He is enjoying toys and watching his older brother dash around and make him laugh.
Matthew is full of adorable and hysterical sayings these days. First off, we try hard to teach Matthew about Jesus- but I also am so thankful for those that invest in his little life in his Sunday School class and his school class. He comes home saying the things that he learns there and it fills my heart.
Yesterday He made a paper sword and shield in Sunday school (a little boys DREAM!) and was running around the living room in the afternoon saying that God fights our battles for us. Sometimes I am afraid my heart is going to explode. That was not something I taught him. Thank you to the crew that it takes to make Sunday mornings run- you are pouring truth into my little sinful boys heart that I am praying will not return void.
More sweet Jesus moments from Matthew... Each night that I put Matthew to bed I pray for God's hand of protection to be over our house. I believe that there is lots of evil that can happen in the darkness of night and I pray over my little boys each night. One night Matthew prayed, "Hand protect and all my blessings." It is sweet listening to his little voice pray.
One day recently after many cloudy days, we walked outside and it was sunny. I was excited to see blue skis but didn't say anything. Matthew immediately looked back at me and said, "Mommy! Way pretty outside! Jesus made sun." Jesus got the glory for the sunshine from Matthew and not me. That kid keeps me on my toes.
One night while I was fixing dinner, Andrew was playing on the floor and crying. I needed to finish something quickly before going to get him and the next thing I know I see Matthew laying on the floor next to Andrew rubbing his back and singing Jesus Loves Me to him! Once again...my heart was melted into a puddle on the kitchen floor!
A few funny ones...
Matthew is learning what some of his body parts are called. He asked me what his nipples were in the bath one night so I told him. A few minutes later I asked him what they were and confidently said, "my normals!" I giggled and said, "No. Try to remember what mommy said." With just as much confidence he said, "My pickles!" HAHA.
We had the privilege this past Saturday to go to the FSU game against Duke in Tallahassee. Someone let us use their season tickets. I was SO excited for Matthew to go to his first game. Andrew too- but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't care at all about what was going on. Matthew did LOVE all the ritual and hoopla about the game. I loved hearing him do that chant. F-L-O-R-I-D-A S-T-A-T-E. FLORIDA STATE! FLORIDA STATE! FLORIDA STATE! WHOO! His rendition was F-J-R-T-S K-P-E-B-L-T WHOO! So sweet. Those were two tired boys and a tired Mommy Daddy and Mimi after the day was through!
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Empty & Filled
I feel very emptied right now. I have been thinking a lot about adoption and speaking to a few different people and still feel like I've gotten nowhere. I know that this process is going to be me continually being emptied of myself, but I didn't think I would feel that SO SOON. I have tears multiple times a day when I either think of how confused I feel, or when I think about our child, wherever he/she is and how badly I want to hold him/her. This baby may not even be born yet! I am so thankful to have Andrew to hold in my arms, but often times I am reminded when I look at him about how helpless he is and how much I want to protect our newest little one. I am continually reminded that the Lord's arms are much more supportive and strong that mine are. His plans are good and no power can overturn them, where as my plans are faulty and powerless. I praying to rest in His sovereignty and love.
I spent all last evening reading the blog of someone that I knew from growing up overseas. Her family spent the past 1 1/2 years in the adoption journey. ( http://www.thenollfamily.com she has tagged adoption posts and those were the ones that I read) The roller-coaster that my heart rode last night was exhausting. I felt sorrow and hope all at the same time. I was feeling low last night as I went to bed. My mind would not forget the story of the Noll family this morning when I woke up.
I have known for a long time that moment by moment surrender is something that I need to be living but in my "easy" "comfortable" life it is far too easy to not live that way. Something in the last couple of weeks that I have realized is that starting down the road of adoption is no longer going to allow me to live in self reliance AT ALL! I need God's words that HE spoke to drowned my heart. I need to be literally ON MY KNEES in prayer for my heart, HIS will, our current family and the little one(s?) who will be added to it.
This morning as I could not shake the heaviness in my heart for things that are on the Lord's heart I knew that I needed to not focus on anything else other than scripture. Matthew is at school and Andrew is napping. Thank you Jesus for time alone to meditate.
Psalm 3:3-6
But You, O Lord, are a shield about me, My glory and the One who lifts my head.
I was crying to the Lord with my voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain.
I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the Lord sustains me.
I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people Who have set themselves against me round about.
I continue to breathe only because the Lord sustains me. He sustains me not for my comfort or purposes, but for HIS glory. If HIS will is for our family to expand by adoption HE will give me strength, wisdom, and guidance in that. I am continually left awestruck at how people survive this world without Jesus. I cannot imagine living with out hope. Thank you Lord for saving me.
Please partner with us in prayer:
The two countries that I am looking into are Ethiopia and Uganda. I had the HUGE privilege of spending time with part of a family from Uganda a week ago. This little boy is here for life saving heart surgery. Our church has partnered with Samaritans Purse to host them. The lady in charge asked me if I would be able to spend sometime with these two one day so the host home could get some work done. I was SO excited and SO nervous!
I was told that the mother, Anna, spoke English, but I was not sure how well. I grew up in a foreign country and am used to English spoken differently that in America, but didn't know what to expect. Her son Enimi has not yet had his surgery.
I went to pick them up in Orange Park. Matthew was in school for the morning and Andrew and I were ready to entertain! As soon as we got there Anna wanted to hold Andrew and love on him. Enimi gave me his sweet smile and a hug and I was hooked!
We spent all day together and my heart was filled! I am so grateful for the perspective that Anna shared with me, not even on purpose, about so many things I viewed in a non God glorifying way.
I had many feelings about America on the day we hung out. I felt thankful, overwhelmed, disgusted, and embarrassed.
Anna made mention on our way home as we drove down the construction part of I-295 that she wished they could "take one of those home." I asked, "a tractor?" She said no, "a road." She asked me if we drove everywhere we went. I told her yes. She asked if we ever walked. I said no because things were too spread out. As soon as those words were leaving my mouth I was embarrassed. Things are not too spread out. We are too lazy and busy to be able to walk places! If there were not so much demand on each day we would be able to take the time to walk to the grocery store, or to church. And besides, its hot here in Florida right?! Well I'm sure this woman from Uganda would give me a pass with that excuse! Ridiculous.
When we got to our house she immediately complimented me on what a nice home we have. I often and unhappy with the decoration etc. that I am wanting to do more with. I have a mansion compared to her mud hut with no running water or electricity. She looked out our back window and asked what the retention pond was. I told her it was to help with flooding here because it rains so much. Not a problem she has ever encountered. The amount of water that surrounds us is so much more than she has ever seen in her life! I thought to myself- get it together Allison! Crawl out of your self pity hole and be grateful for the abundant blessings God has given you. There was not a twinge of jealousy in anything she said, and yet jealousy often fills my heart. Why do I think I deserve any more than the exact portion God has given me?! Because I am selfish and entitled. Ugh. What an ugly mirror I was looking into.
Anna was amazed that my children each slept in their own room and NOT with me. I knew this was a strange thing for Americans to do, but I was reminded of how much space we have been given, thanks to Adams family, and how much more I could use it for!!
She asked if I was lonely being at home all day without any one else living here with us. I said yes, sometimes I am. I was thankful for her view on community. They live life with one another, not just moments of it.
She shared with me about her family, she has 5 children. She lost one child, 2 days after she was born. They do not know why. I was overwhelmed with sadness for her. She also has Enimi who would surely die without his heart surgery. I said, "I am SO sorry Anna. That is very sad." She said, "It is ok. These things happen. God is in control." WHAT?! There was not a hint of bitterness or anger in her words! I am not sure I would be able to respond with such understanding of God if I were to encounter those situations. I was so thankful to see it through her eyes for that moment. It was great to experience encouragement from a fellow sister in Christ who lives so far away. Even though we did not share many things in common- we did share the most important thing!
We got to bake some banana bread together and eat macaroni and cheese and blueberry muffins for lunch. Enimi commented on how sweet the muffins were! I thought to myself- some of the desserts I make would blow your mind if you think this is sweet! Haha.
Enimi feel asleep on my couch and was so sweet to watch! I have always known that Uganda was a place in need. A professor from college took many trips there and I heard a lot from him. Of course recently Kony has been in the news. There are so many orphans from war, or medical issues. Meeting this sweet spirited little boy made my heart ache even more for this country full of little ones like him that do not having loving parents like he does.
So I am continually emptied and filled by the Lord. I am thankful that He has equipped me for what He has called me to. He is gracious to me.
I spent all last evening reading the blog of someone that I knew from growing up overseas. Her family spent the past 1 1/2 years in the adoption journey. ( http://www.thenollfamily.com she has tagged adoption posts and those were the ones that I read) The roller-coaster that my heart rode last night was exhausting. I felt sorrow and hope all at the same time. I was feeling low last night as I went to bed. My mind would not forget the story of the Noll family this morning when I woke up.
I have known for a long time that moment by moment surrender is something that I need to be living but in my "easy" "comfortable" life it is far too easy to not live that way. Something in the last couple of weeks that I have realized is that starting down the road of adoption is no longer going to allow me to live in self reliance AT ALL! I need God's words that HE spoke to drowned my heart. I need to be literally ON MY KNEES in prayer for my heart, HIS will, our current family and the little one(s?) who will be added to it.
This morning as I could not shake the heaviness in my heart for things that are on the Lord's heart I knew that I needed to not focus on anything else other than scripture. Matthew is at school and Andrew is napping. Thank you Jesus for time alone to meditate.
Psalm 3:3-6
But You, O Lord, are a shield about me, My glory and the One who lifts my head.
I was crying to the Lord with my voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain.
I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the Lord sustains me.
I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people Who have set themselves against me round about.
I continue to breathe only because the Lord sustains me. He sustains me not for my comfort or purposes, but for HIS glory. If HIS will is for our family to expand by adoption HE will give me strength, wisdom, and guidance in that. I am continually left awestruck at how people survive this world without Jesus. I cannot imagine living with out hope. Thank you Lord for saving me.
Please partner with us in prayer:
- That the Lord would bring into our path the proper people to talk to
- That Adam and I would both be committed to fervent prayer regarding adoption
- That the Lord would keep the addition to our family safely in the palm of His hand
- That anxiety and fear would be far from our hearts (especially mine!)
The two countries that I am looking into are Ethiopia and Uganda. I had the HUGE privilege of spending time with part of a family from Uganda a week ago. This little boy is here for life saving heart surgery. Our church has partnered with Samaritans Purse to host them. The lady in charge asked me if I would be able to spend sometime with these two one day so the host home could get some work done. I was SO excited and SO nervous!
I was told that the mother, Anna, spoke English, but I was not sure how well. I grew up in a foreign country and am used to English spoken differently that in America, but didn't know what to expect. Her son Enimi has not yet had his surgery.
I went to pick them up in Orange Park. Matthew was in school for the morning and Andrew and I were ready to entertain! As soon as we got there Anna wanted to hold Andrew and love on him. Enimi gave me his sweet smile and a hug and I was hooked!
We spent all day together and my heart was filled! I am so grateful for the perspective that Anna shared with me, not even on purpose, about so many things I viewed in a non God glorifying way.
I had many feelings about America on the day we hung out. I felt thankful, overwhelmed, disgusted, and embarrassed.
Anna made mention on our way home as we drove down the construction part of I-295 that she wished they could "take one of those home." I asked, "a tractor?" She said no, "a road." She asked me if we drove everywhere we went. I told her yes. She asked if we ever walked. I said no because things were too spread out. As soon as those words were leaving my mouth I was embarrassed. Things are not too spread out. We are too lazy and busy to be able to walk places! If there were not so much demand on each day we would be able to take the time to walk to the grocery store, or to church. And besides, its hot here in Florida right?! Well I'm sure this woman from Uganda would give me a pass with that excuse! Ridiculous.
When we got to our house she immediately complimented me on what a nice home we have. I often and unhappy with the decoration etc. that I am wanting to do more with. I have a mansion compared to her mud hut with no running water or electricity. She looked out our back window and asked what the retention pond was. I told her it was to help with flooding here because it rains so much. Not a problem she has ever encountered. The amount of water that surrounds us is so much more than she has ever seen in her life! I thought to myself- get it together Allison! Crawl out of your self pity hole and be grateful for the abundant blessings God has given you. There was not a twinge of jealousy in anything she said, and yet jealousy often fills my heart. Why do I think I deserve any more than the exact portion God has given me?! Because I am selfish and entitled. Ugh. What an ugly mirror I was looking into.
Anna was amazed that my children each slept in their own room and NOT with me. I knew this was a strange thing for Americans to do, but I was reminded of how much space we have been given, thanks to Adams family, and how much more I could use it for!!
She asked if I was lonely being at home all day without any one else living here with us. I said yes, sometimes I am. I was thankful for her view on community. They live life with one another, not just moments of it.
She shared with me about her family, she has 5 children. She lost one child, 2 days after she was born. They do not know why. I was overwhelmed with sadness for her. She also has Enimi who would surely die without his heart surgery. I said, "I am SO sorry Anna. That is very sad." She said, "It is ok. These things happen. God is in control." WHAT?! There was not a hint of bitterness or anger in her words! I am not sure I would be able to respond with such understanding of God if I were to encounter those situations. I was so thankful to see it through her eyes for that moment. It was great to experience encouragement from a fellow sister in Christ who lives so far away. Even though we did not share many things in common- we did share the most important thing!
We got to bake some banana bread together and eat macaroni and cheese and blueberry muffins for lunch. Enimi commented on how sweet the muffins were! I thought to myself- some of the desserts I make would blow your mind if you think this is sweet! Haha.
Enimi feel asleep on my couch and was so sweet to watch! I have always known that Uganda was a place in need. A professor from college took many trips there and I heard a lot from him. Of course recently Kony has been in the news. There are so many orphans from war, or medical issues. Meeting this sweet spirited little boy made my heart ache even more for this country full of little ones like him that do not having loving parents like he does.
So I am continually emptied and filled by the Lord. I am thankful that He has equipped me for what He has called me to. He is gracious to me.
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