Chaos is a good way to describe my days right now. I feel like I have been going non stop since I can't remember when (I can't remember much these days though so that may not be saying much).
We are leaving in just a couple days and everything is everywhere. I spend my days driving around to all different places picking up last minute things that I have forgotten. Seeing people I need to see. Tying up loose ends. All while juggling Matthew and Andrew like normal. Adam is gone to Colorado for the week and my mom is here to help. I may have been in a ball on the floor if she weren't here. Moms are great...
In a week from today I will get to meet my little boy for the first time! The reality of this hasn't sunken in yet...I'm not sure actually how it is supposed to. If I think about what I was doing a week ago and what I will be doing a week from now- WOW- what a difference. Soon Jonathan will be in our arms. He will be in a family. He will be unconditionally loved. He will be a SON!
Recently I have been an emotional roller coaster. My heart has been so sensitive to the reality of the orphan. A sweet friend of mine brought their little girl home from China on Saturday night. Getting to go to the airport to welcome them home was such a blessing for my heart! I even got to go see them today and play with them for a few minutes! Another friend is there right now getting their little girl. LOTS is happening in my little circle these days!
The other day I watched a video about adoption and literally cried myself to sleep. My heart was so troubled by the number of orphans in the world and my inability to fix the problem completely. The trauma and injustice that these little ones LIVE is so unfair to me. As I cried I asked God WHY?! Sadly the answer is sin. It is clear through out scripture that God cares for the orphan. It is clear through the part of the story that we have already seen that He has written for our little boy that He cares for the orphan! People are sinful though, and in a broken world there is a lot of collateral damage from sin. My heart so very much wishes that children were not a part of that.
In the turmoil of my heart over these issues there is also peace. I know that God is faithful. I know personally of so many stories of redemption through adoption. There are so many more that I will never hear of, but have changed lives. Thank you Lord for being consistent and steady. Thank you Lord for letting me be a part of another one of these stories. These redemptions!
Seriously with the packing and last minute thoughts I realize this post may make no sense at all. I can't usually remember what I'm saying mid-sentence these days so that wouldn't surprise me at all! :) Thank you for being gracious in your reading of this.
Just to catch up on my days of thankfulness before I joyfully crash into my pillow...
November 4- FRIENDS I HAVEN'T EVEN MET YET. There are people already in country that I have been communicating with that I am SO excited to meet! They are on the exact same journey as I am- and that has formed a bond that is strong even though I've never once heard their voice, seen their face, or touched them. SOON we will be together and I can't wait!
November 5- FRESH FACES TO ENTERTAIN MY KIDS. My mom and dad came to visit this day! So great to have new faces that my kids adore to keep them company for a while! Really wish my parents lived just down the street so this was more common- but I'm so grateful for what we get!
November 6- MY WEDNESDAY NIGHT SMALL GROUP. I have a wonderful group of ladies that I meet with in a discipleship group on Wednesday nights. We have been together for almost 4 years now! We have experienced many things together (Pregnancies, births, sickness, family deaths, good and bad kid situations, personal failure and victory). It is such a safe place where we know each other well and don't have to explain much or worry about impressions. I'm thankful for their sharpening of me and encouragement to me.
November 7- A GOOD CAR TO RUN LOTS OF ERRANDS IN! Like I said- I feel like I live in the car these days. Not so long ago we got a mini-van. And I couldn't be more happy about it! (Adam doesn't feel the same way) I have been so grateful on my days on the road that I have a reliable, comfortable car that I get to use. It is such a blessing!
November 8- GOOD FAMILY DYNAMICS. All of my years growing up my parents would tell me that you marry a family. It is true. You cannot choose one person out of a family to marry and expect to keep all the others away forever! I am so thankful that I married into a great family. Such a blessing! We celebrated Adam's birthday early since we will be gone on the actual day and we had both families present. It was a great time and I'm so happy that I do not have to ever worry about strange family dynamics. Another huge blessing from the Lord.
November 9- FRIENDS WHO ARE GOOD EXAMPLES OF WILLINGNESS TO LOVE EVEN WHEN IT IS DIFFICULT. I am so encouraged by those around me that invite the difficult into their lives for the glory of God. Adoption is hard and there are all different levels of it- but no situation is easy. I have great examples of what selfless love looks like and I am honored to be able to learn from them.
November 10- CHRISTIAN FAMILY CHAPEL. Ugh... many tears this day. This was the last day at my home church before our trip. I'm not sure there is a way to explain how thankful I am for this gathering of believers. The Bible teaching at our church is PHENOMENAL! I have grown in too many ways to count since my time here. The community I experience is to be envied by ANYONE! I am loved well by people in this church. Love is not just warm fuzzies, but also challenges to grow and to be corrected. At one point during the service I stood quietly and let the voices of everyone singing wash over me. I am very much going to miss this while I'm gone. I'm excited to experience the body of Christ in another culture- but I am VERY spoiled with the one I have here. I am so thankful for the dedication to preaching God's Word, proclaiming the Gospel, discipleship, community, and desire to see God's name spread through out the earth. CFC... you are precious to me! So thankful that when I went on a date with a boy that I knew right away I wanted to marry- who was moving to Florida for a job at a church- that it was THIS church and I get to be a part of it. It blesses me continuously!
November 11- THE DYNAMIC DUO! Our adoption group was small tonight- mainly due to current adoptions happening (pretty amazing!)- but God knew just what we needed and it was a great time. Carrie Lantry and Kristi Russell have blessed me (and so many others) in countless ways. YOU GUYS- I got meals BEFORE baby! I know people provide meals after baby which is such a blessing- but when I showed up tonight these two told me that meals were covered for the next two nights so I didn't have to think about it! AMAZING! They also told me that they are going to clean my house for me before I come back and make sure everything is taken care of. They just did this for another friend of mine who returned home too. They are a duo that can't be stopped! Thank you ladies for blessing me and my family- and so many others.
It can be tempting to get consumed in all that I have to accomplish in the next couple of days. I am so thankful that I decided to count my blessings each day this month. WHAT PERFECT TIMING!
Lamentations 3:21-24 says, "This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him."
I have recalled to mind and it has proven true- the Lord is faithful each new day. Because of this I have hope in Him.
Closing out with 3 days, 14 hours, 22 minutes, and 33 seconds until I leave! YIKES!