Wednesday, August 21, 2013

What's In A Name?

Life never seems to slow down. I have very much recently experienced the sustaining of the Lord. I have had to surrender myself daily to not live in my own power. If I live in my own power then my to-do list doesn't come close to being finished, my children get yelled at... there is a reason He tells us to abide.
I don't care how many people read my blog. I do this so my mind doesn't explode with all that's going on. I did discover recently that you can see how many people have read a blog I said...not important to me-clearly since I just discovered this. Haha. I am so thankful though that according to my blog stats 915 people read about the faithfulness of the Lord in providing financially in the adoption of our son in my last post!! I can't imagine I know 915 personally that read about it- I pray that someone that didn't know Jesus got a glimpse of who He is!! update since the last post...
Sweet little boy has a name. Jonathan Jeffery (Ugandan name we can't share because of rules) Alexander!! (We also can't share any pictures on the internet which makes me feel like I'm going to explode!) Jonathan means God has given. I feel like there is VERY LITTLE explanation needed behind our choice of this name! Jeffery means peace. God has given us such peace through out this whole adoption process. When we have named our children we chose a biblical name for their first name. We choose ones with meanings that have applied to our situation, or we hope will define who they will become as they grow up. Matthew- gift of God- our first child. Andrew-strong, manly, brave- he is our brave one for sure. For a middle name we choose based on meaning or personal connection. Matthew Joseph is the 4th man in the Alexander family to have Joseph as a middle name. Andrew Caleb we chose because Caleb means faithful. We pray that our little man will be faithful. That he will be like Caleb in the Bible. That he will not fear the giants when all others do. We pray that he will be faithful to Jesus from an early age all through out his life. Jonathan Jeffery. We love the meaning, it is very applicable. We also love our dear friend Jeff. Jeff is a man of God. He is someone we want Jonathan to be like someday. He LOVES God. He loves people SO well. He is wise. He is discerning. He is hard working. He is compassionate. He is a good listener. He is a servant. He is sensitive to the Holy Spirit. There are so many things about Jeff that make this name so easy to give to our son. Jeff- we love you, we are thankful for you, and we can't wait for our little boy to know you too. May he follow your example as you follow Jesus' example.
We have completed our home study! Our social worker is AMAZINGLY wonderful. Another gift from the Lord. We get to work with her in all of our follow up visits for years after Jonathan comes home. I can't wait! That's how much we like her. Haha.
Now we are waiting for all the checking and revisions on the home study. As soon as we get the final copy (hopefully this week or next) we will attach it to our immigration pre-approval paperwork and expedite it! That will take probably about 4 weeks (pray for speed in that!). As soon as that is done we will have a court date set for us. When that is set we buy our tickets and FLY!! The boys have their passports. We are ready to go!! (Besides the whole packing thing-haha) From what I understand when we reach Kampala we are there for 2 days before we get to go meet Jonathan. Ugh... I already dread those two longest days of my life!! Pray for my continual learning of patience. I know that I have been fully given the Spirit. I know that a fruit of the Spirit is patience. I do not lack the full resource...just the discipline and surrendering. I had the chance to be driving somewhere alone today for a few minutes and I was praying out loud that God would continue to teach me faith and patience. That He would overwhelm me with HIS faithfulness, and that I would be found faithful.
I feel like I am experiencing a few symptoms of pregnancy. I feel like I'm gaining weight... probably because I snack...because I just am so anxious to go meet my little man! I've had to be proactive about snack food removal and discipline in not restocking when I grocery shop. I now eat hummus and guacamole for a snack. Who have I become?! I don't sleep well AT ALL!! I think about anything possible...seriously...anything that could happen or that we need to prepare for concerning our travel to Uganda. I think about what Jonathan is doing at that moment (it is day there while I'm supposed to be sleeping). I pray that the Lord would have him to find favor in the eyes of the care takers at his babies home. That he would receive the care he needs. Then my heart is broken thinking that if God answers that prayer with a yes that that caretaker will have such a connection with our little boy...and I do not look forward to witnessing that goodbye. I cry even now typing about it. I want to be sensitive to everyone in the whole situation. For the past few months that Jonathan has been alive these people have cared for him. Newborns are takes heart and soul to care for them. I am being hit with the fact that someone else potentially has their heart and soul invested in this little man too. I then try to remind myself that children were created for family- not for institutional care no matter how loving it may be. Sorry if this is rambling to you- there are new things I think of every day that have to be dealt with in my heart.
I also lay awake at night thinking about what our bonding will be like. Will it be easy? Will it take a long time? How will the boys do with the transition? How will Andrew (momma's boy) do when I am to be constantly holding/carrying Jonathan to bond with him? I lay in bed with my eyes closed and Jonathan's little face is burned in my mind. His big brown eyes. His little afro. His PERFECT lips. His wide nose. His little folded hands that I can only see half of in the ONLY picture I have of him. The blue blanket that he is laying on. Trying to figure out what the pictures are on the little outfit he's wearing. Wondering what his ears look like...I can't even see them in the picture. Wondering what is going through his mind. Trying to stare into those huge eyes and read them. Crying because I miss with the strangest ache someone that I have NEVER even met. I think about all of the problems he could possibly come into contact with as he grows up. What comments will hurt his little heart? How can I protect him from those? How am I going to explain racism? How am I going to explain his past that I know so very little about? Praying that his understanding of the Gospel will be deep and rich because of the story he has been given. That his life will be a testimony of that. Wishing I could send a message that an infant would understand that MOMMY IS COMING!! I'm telling you...between all of these thoughts and two little boys that now share a room and Matthew who doesn't want the sun to beat him up I am not getting much sleep! :) I feel like I am living as fully as I can in Jacksonville while a huge part of me lives so far away.
One last thing before I go to bed. I think both boys are asleep and I need to take up kid bed times so I can hopefully be a little more rested. Haha.
THANK YOU!! I wish there was some way to type every single persons name that has been such a blessing to our hearts. The encouragement we have experienced is overwhelming. People asking about our little boy means so much. It's nice to know others are thinking of him too. People praying for him and us is such a gift. People that have given time, money, effort, emotion and loss of sleep to figure out different parts of this adoption with us, and even just to listen to us. The story that God is weaving together for HIS Jonathan is something I can't wait for our little boy to hear. I do know though that he will never know like this momma's heart does how much of a blessing you all have been. I can't wait for all of you to know him. To meet the little boy you have already sacrificially loved. Thank you for caring for the orphan. Thank you for caring for the parents that are trying to make sure there is one less orphan. Thank you for playing your part in obedience to God's command to care for the least of these. I'm blessed by you. Just like in 2 Timothy 1:3- "I always remember you in my prayers day and night. And in these prayers I thank God for YOU."

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