Our application still sat. No word back from the agency. I felt peace that we had done what we were supposed to. It was just time for more waiting.
I went to the women's retreat at our church this past weekend. I forgot to sign up. As usual. Not sure how I can spend so much time at church and forget to sign up for things. I guess maybe because I figure I will surely be there again before the deadline. As usual- Cindy was gracious enough to add me to the list. I had heard who the speaker was going to be- and knowing that her family has adopted 3 little girls- I knew there would be SOMETHING my heart needed to hear.
The topic was faith. I feel as if this adoption journey so far has been a call to faith. Do I believe that God is who He says He is? Do I believe that I was created for more than just living for myself? Do I believe that He is in control of all things? Do I believe that His timing is perfect? Do I believe that He will enable me to thrive in life instead of just survive?
I'm thankful for God's gentle and encouraging reminders of things that He has taught me time and time again. The things that were shared were things I needed to hear. Here are a few of them:
- The way of dependence is the way of faith.
- What I believe about God will determine everything. Every action etc.
- Hebrews 11:6 tells us that without faith it is impossible to please God. But faith is a gift from God (a free one) and all I need to do is ASK. I cannot produce faith. HE must increase it in me.
- Each new step that He calls me to will require a greater measure of faith. I guess I should stop hoping that what is around the next corner will be "easier" than the last.
- Faith is not passive. Obedience is evidence of faith. I have faith in God, so I obey.
- The longer I wait for the fulfillment of something, the more likely I am to take matters into my own hands. Abraham and Sarah did this. It did not end up better. Patience and faith will result in the best possible outcome.
- When I take time to remember God's faithfulness. My faith grows. I must choose to actively call to mind His faithfulness through out the years to me.
- We studied Hebrews 11-12. We reviewed the fact that we are not living for the here and now. We are living for a greater hope and greater joy.
- If I'm not living for here (earth) then I can _____________________. There are many things I can fill in that blank with. Wake up early to spend time with Jesus. Take a meal to someone in need. Break my schedule to love on my children. Adopt. There is a whole range of things that each moment call for.
- The earth is the closest thing to heaven unbelievers will ever experience. The earth is the closest thing to hell that believers will experience. I need to STOP trying to hold on to the closest thing to hell I will ever experience. Let go of now for the reward of Heaven.
- The call to die to self is exemplified in adoption. I think this is true in raising children in general if you choose to do it in a way that is not to benefit yourself. But choosing adoption does take an extra step of setting aside self. There is no room for my selfishness in working hard for the care of an orphan.
- Dying to myself is a fight for faith. Faith pleases God. I am in a constant battle for this.
- I press on for the joy set before me. Heaven. Jesus.
- Fear has NO place in faith.
Following the conference I had a few good conversations with Adam. Things that should be discussed before our application would be sent in. God was gracious in His timing. He had worked to align our hearts on hard issues. There was no convincing on either of our sides. God had brought us to agreement through His working. I am thankful for a husband that has a living and active relationship with God. He seeks Him on his own. He wants God to lead him as he leads our family. It makes following so much more of a joy.
Yet our application waited.
I got a call on Monday from the guy I had been trying to contact. I missed it. A voicemail. But it was a VOICE! A person had called me back!
Tuesday afternoon in the middle of preparing food for an event at church, and children who didn't want to nap he called back! I decided I better take the time to talk, because I didn't know when the next chance would be. A quick prayer for compliance from my children and for focus for my scattered brain and I answered the phone.
I had a great conversation with him. The questions we had were answered. He told me that they were accepting people into the program at this time and we would be in the next round of a couple of families they would work with. It is a small program so usually only 10 families at a time. God's timing is perfect. A call back earlier would not have allowed for the conversation Adam and I had following the women's retreat. It may not have resulted in an open spot in that agency at the time.
The application is being sent tomorrow!! According to the guy I talked with we should have another child within the next 365 days! Of course that all depends on the Lord's timing, but that is CRAZY to me! So exciting! Adam congratulated me on expecting after I got off the phone. I have a feeling this "pregnancy" is going to be nothing like my first 2. :)
I want to remember God's faithfulness publicly. I want Him to receive all glory for what He has accomplished.
We do not have the finances to adopt. This has been a huge area that I have asked for faith in. He still has not shown me how it is going to happen, but He has shown me one step. That is enough.
We have what we need to pay the application fee, home study fee (we can't apply for grants until this is done), and our first payment to the agency. This is ALL from our tax return. Not money we would normally have. God graciously timed the finding of this agency, the gift of money, and the return of the phone call.
I am so excited to see how else He provides. Past those first few things to pay for we do not have the resources. If faith pleases God, then that is what I want. I am thankful that He has set me up in such a perfect position to exercise faith. This is so far outside of my control that there is no other option.
Thanks for caring for and with us in this journey. Please continue to pray for our faith, patience, and diligence. I know there is a lot of waiting in the adoption game. I just want to make sure that we have always done what we need to do on our end. Praise the Lord with us for His faithfulness so far, and for what He is going to do.