I also had another moment of tears tonight as I fed Jonathan. I feed him his last bottle after the other two go to bed and it is the sweetest time. He has a few little scars on his body and as he held my hand while I fed him I was looking at the scars and realizing I will NEVER know what they are from. I will NEVER know what pain he endured in the first 6 months of his life. When he was sick and being poked at the hospital in the first few days of his life (as I have experienced being here and at the doctor with all 3 boys)- no one was holding him to comfort him and wishing the pain away. There was no face of love looking down at him, talking sweetly to him, and holding him tight- reassuring him that everything was going to be ok. As his little fingers held my hand tight tonight my heart was broken thinking about how someone else missed out on these moments with him. It brought a million questions about birth parents to my mind that once again will NEVER be answered this side of Heaven. I love him with all of my heart and am SO grateful to have the opportunity to be his mommy- but I am so sad about the circumstances for him that brought this about. I am praying like crazy already for grace and wisdom from God when questions start to be asked. I want him to know that I love him the hardest and deepest of anyone- and though that won't wipe away all pain I am praying that it is known without a shadow of a doubt and can give security and a safe place when he needs to hurt.
Ugh...enough of that. I'm crying again.
One very important thing!! Please go check this out! http://adoptedprints.com AMAZING! My sweet friend has been working on this for a while and it is READY! I can't wait to make one for Jonathan. My friend has adopted twice (so far-hehe) and is one of the most talented people I know- it's kind of ridiculous actually. Haha. I want one or more of EVERYTHING she makes- no exaggeration. She made the sweetest little brown Jonathan doll for our boy that we brought to Africa with us. It's adorable! Please check it out and share with anyone you may think would be interested!
Here are a few pictures from our day (and last nights party).
Matthew and his buddy watching Mickey Mouse Christmas something...they are clearly in the zone.
The gang excited about hot chocolate and marshmallows
We did some more coloring today
I have been saving toilet paper rolls since we got here so we could make this nativity.
I'm glad they seem to be interested in playing with the tree.
Our final product. The boys both colored a few- I ended up coloring more than planned. Haha. It was good therapy during nap time though.
Andrew is obsessed with people's eyes- mostly poking them. This is a typical sight with him.
He was laughing at my singing tonight at dinner- I decided not to have hurt feelings and take a picture of the cuteness instead.
I'm not sure how this kid is getting so big! I have some ridiculously handsome men in my family!!